I want sex all the time! What is happening to me?

Dear Yasmine,

My husband and I have a pretty great life, and our sex life is okay. But lately, I’ve been having wild sexual fantasies, and waiting for him to get home so I can “act them out.” He’s excited about my new interest in sex, but I’m wondering, what is going on with my body?  Sometimes I feel like I’m horny the whole day! What is happening to my body? Is this normal? Should I be worried?

Nellie in NYC


Dear Nellie

We’re going to assume that you’re most likely in your late 30’s or 40’s and are having a hormonal surge.  This is a very common occurrence for many women.  Women’s hormones fluctuate all the time and you may be feeling increased sexual desire because your hormones and fertility are beginning to decrease.  Weird right? According to a study by the University of Texas, "Women with declining fertility think more about sex, have more frequent and intense sexual fantasies, are more willing to engage in sexual intercourse, and report actually engaging in sexual intercourse more frequently than women of other age groups," The study authors believe evolutionary forces are what actually push women to be more sexual and to increase occurrence of procreation.

If you find yourself frustrated by the increase sex drive, you can always help yourself! Treat yourself to a new sex toy, some luxurious lubricant and explore your body!  When you’re partner is available, take time to reconnect before jumping on them for sex!

If the idea of being in this state is bewildering because it doesn’t fit with your personality, let go of any stereotypes. You’re not a cougar, you’re not a slut. Instead enjoy this time of your life and your desire and sexuality.  As you continue to advance in age, your drive will fluctuate.   Reconciling with your sexual desire and self-awareness of being a whole, real woman will lead to a more fulfilling, happier life, in and out of the bedroom. 

Why do kegel exercises matter?

Dear Yasmine:

Yasmine, I’ve noticed that when sneezing or coughing I’ve been releasing some urine.  It’s very embarrassing and I’m afraid it will get worse.  My doctor recommended kegel exercises and gave me a pamphlet. Is there anything else I can do?

Kate in Indiana


Dear Kate,

Kegels are the best exercise to strengthen your pelvic muscles. They are easy to do, you can do them anytime without anyone knowing you are working on strengthening your pelvic muscles and girdle.

Our pelvic girdle is imperative to our bowel and gladder continence.  If you are leaking urine when you sneeze or laugh, means your pelvic muscles are weakening.  No time to lose!  Everyday, when you find yourself waiting like at a stop light, in line at the grocery store, or just sitting and watching tv, do your kegel exercises and begin to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles.

If you aren’t exercising your whole self right now, we urge you to come up with an exercise routine you enjoy.  Pelvic health, and sexual health cannot be isolated. Overall good health and well-being is our intention for you. That means your whole body from top to bottom, inside and outside has to work on becoming healthier and stronger. You can start by taking walks around your neighborhood, running or taking a yoga class.  Add your kegels to your exercise routine. Once you begin to gain strength, add a yoga bridge pose to help strengthen you’re overall core and pelvic muscles.

Once you have your kegel exercises pat, you can add some resistance by purchasing one of the recommended kegel exercise balls that we carry. 

But don’t delay, start today!

Here’s a Simple Kegel Exercise to begin with:

Begin by squeezing, and then releasing your pelvic muscles.

Now hold the release for one count, and squeeze for two counts.  Breathe. Repeat 10 times.

Increase intensity: Work up to squeezing to a count of four, release for two, and relax for two.  Repeat 5 times.

Harder and effective: The Butterfly

Squeeze and release quickly, repeat ten times.

 

Yoga pose _ bridge.jpg

Why does sex feel like work?

Dear Yasmine, 

Sex has started to feel like work to me.  My husband and I have been married for almost eighteen years. We have very high stress jobs, no kids, but lots of obligations and responsibilities.  I no longer initiate sex, and when my husband does, I don't feel like having it.  Some times I feel like its just another chore on my list of tasks to get done.  My husband has admitted that at times, he also feels like trying to have sex with me is like work. 

That does not make us happy.  We love each other, but miss our sex life.

What to do? 

Overworked and Undersexed in Maryland


Dear Overworked,

We are sorry to hear that you and your husband are feeling like sex is work. 

Since we don't know everything that is going on, we're going to assume you are both happy and content to be in your relationship. 

To bring the zest back into the bedroom, its seems that both of you need to learn how to release the stress and learn to relax.  It also sounds like you've lost touch with yourselves and with each other. 

We suggest the following. 

1. Increase touching each other.  A loving hug, and warm hand on the arm, eye contact, and cuddling are great ways to begin getting back in touch with each other.  Hold off on sex, but give each other massages to help release the stress from the day.  Be each others stress reliever!

2. Exercise.  Either exercise together, or each of you find an exercise program that both of you can commit to doing 3 times a week. Calendar the exercise just like you do your work meetings. Make it a commitment to yourself, your marriage and your well being. Exercise is a great stress reliever, as well as a way for the two of you to spend time together that doesn't put the stress of having to have sex (or not have sex) on both of you.  Just be in each other's company. 

3. Date Night. Just like the suggestion for exercise, begin scheduling date night, or dating type activities in your calendar.  Whether you're going to the movies, to a play, out to dinner or for a morning hike, schedule time together and do something fun! Refrain from talking about anything that has to do with work, or any stressful subjects. Talk about the things that really move you deep inside, and the good you want to be and see in the world.  

4. Mindfulness.   You can check out our blog on Mindfulness by clicking here.  In short, begin practicing being present, anywhere that you are.  Give it your full attention.  Are you on the phone with your friend? Stop multi-tasking and speak with your friend.  Are you with your husband out on a date? Then BE with your husband.  Practicing being present will also help relieve the stress of things that haven't happened or are beyond your control. That cliche statement holds a lot of weight but it's sound advice: BE HERE NOW.

5. Don't force Sex. If you begin making the above suggestions commitments in your calendar, and getting back in touch with yourself and your husband, sex will come naturally.  It will no longer feel like work.  If you're both hesitant about initiating sex then just give each other a wonderful warm massage.  See what happens! 

View easy massage technique here!

Purchase some of our Massage Oils here! 

 

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Vibrators! Where do I start?

Dear Yasmine,

I summoned up my courage and recently ventured into an adult store. As a woman, shopping alone,  I felt very uncomfortable.  I was surprised how quickly I became overwhelmed with the number of products that were being offered! I didn't know where to look first, and what to do.  The shop tenders behind the counter were pre-occupied and didn't seem interested in helping me out so I left.  I’m looking for an easy to use vibrator that can help me climax.  My friend referred me to Yasmine’s Room.  Can you help me out?

Ready to Rumble in Raleigh


Dear Rumble,

Our whole site was built for women like you!  We had the same situation happen to us, and decided that we wanted a softer, kinder approach to sexual health and well being. We wanted to offer a comfortable place to shop, plus make it easy to understand what is being offered. Welcome to Yasmine’s Room! We're so glad you found us! 

Since there are a lot of products available, many vibrators of different sizes, colors and functions. We want to start at the beginning, with yourself. What do you like? What kind of sensation and release do you want for yourself? There is a toy for any and all of your needs.  Each of the products we carry will give you a bit of a different experience, but all will lead to a pleasurable release. 

We created a guide to help you decide on what kind of vibrator you should invest in.  Here's an overview:

Are you purchasing for self play?

Here are a few suggestions: The Hitachi Magic Wand is the Cadillac of vibrators.  With it’s large tennis ball like head and variable speeds, this machine will definitely give you an all over feeling of good things. It’s also a great personal massager, helping tired neck and sore shoulders find relief.

The Je Joue Mimi Soft is a wonderful, easy to hold personal massager.  Feels great on your clitoris, or any other area that you like to tickle, from your nipples to your perineum.  It is body safe silicone, waterproof and easy to recharge.

The Rianne S Heart, is a sweet, palm sized rechargeable 10-speed vibrator. It has a powerful motor and is made from medical grade silicon.  Perfect for solo or partner play. 

 Rianne S Heart 

Rianne S Heart 

Are you seeking a toy for couples play?

If you and your mate are looking for dual stimulation, here are some of our recommendations:

Je Joue Mio is according to the manufacturer the world's favorite cockring.  This little number is strong and flexible with five different speeds and 7 patterns, It helps keep your partner harder longer, while simultaneously enhancing your pleasure!  

We also offer two suggestions from We-Vibe.  First the PIVOT, this cock ring is made of silky smooth silicone, and stretches easily around penises of many sizes.  It also provides handsfree clitoral stimulation.  It offers 10 variation modes, is waterproof, rechargeable, and there is an accompanying app for long distance or solo play.  

The We-Vibe Touch is shaped quite differently, but offers eight vibration modes (one is even called the Cha Cha).  It offers a deeply satisfying rumble, is waterproof and sensually soft.  Play with the way it feels on your body, his body, and between both of you.  

Are you looking for penetration and G-spot stimulation?

The Lelo Gigi is an elegant vibrator with easy to use controls. It has a curved flattened tip with soft, body safe silicone to accurately target your G-Spot.  Fully-waterproof design with 8 different vibration patterns. 

Je Joue G-KIII is unlike other vibrators.  This is a flexible vibrator that can provide you with both clitoral and G-spot stimulation. G-Kii can be curved into the perfect position at the touch of a button to suit your body shape and pleasure preference. 

We-Vibe Rave is sculpted sensually for ultimate G-Spot stimulation.  This vibrator can be twisted, and it's soft edge can provide extra stimulation to the most sensitive parts of your vagina.  

Do you have trouble reaching orgasm?

The Womanizer is the vibrator for you. The Womanizer stimulates your clitoris without direct touch.  The patented silicon head delivers “revolutionary pleasure air technology” which surrounds your clitoris completely, and with a combination of light suction and pulsating pressure waves, brings you to orgasm. It looks like a fancy thermometer your doctor may use, but this vibrator comes in a variety of sizes, even one that looks like a lipstick, perfect for travel. 

Looking for a rabbit vibrator like in Sex & the City?

We have a few great rabbit vibrators for you. 

First off is the Jimmy Jane Iconic Rabbit which offers simultaneous internal and external stimulation. Made of body safe silicone, this vibrator has 7 vibration modes, 3 speeds and pulsation patterns, a must have in every bedroom! 

Lovehoney and E.L. James teamed up and came up with a line of sex products.  The 50 Shades Darker Rabbit  is smooth contoured shape, it's ears have been positioned for perfect stimulation during use. Non-intimidating size and a natural shape make it perfect for beginners. 

And lastly, the most adorable vibrator we offer, is the Je Joue Rabbit Bullet. Though small and cute, this is a powerful rabbit vibrator with the simplicity of a bullet!  There's a robust motor behind the ears which will provide you with deep and intense vibrations, and mind blowing orgasms. The soft and flexible ears move around and can hug your clitoris with the ears. Use the base of the ears for intense vibrations!

 Je Joue Bullet Rabbit

Je Joue Bullet Rabbit

Everyday Lubrication

Dear Yasmine,

I am in need of a great everyday lube.  I get overwhelmed at which one to choose from when I search online, or at my local drug store.  What are your suggestions?

Curious in Chicago


Dear Curious,

Great question! There are so many choices, because each one of us is made a little bit differently.  I've got may favorites, but we went straight to our community to find out what they  and this is what they came back with!  Start with one, get a sample, and see if it fulfills your needs, if not, go to the next one! We're glad we can help. 

Intimate Earth Hydra: Look no further then this silky smooth, organic, water based formula.  There is no smell or taste, glycerin and paraben free.  This lubricant is perfect for women suffering with vaginal dryness.  Great as an everyday glide or personal moisturizer.

Sliquid Naturals / Sliquid Silk or Sliquid H2O: Sliquid is paraben and glycerin free. Formulated for women with sensitivities, Sliquid makes lines that include Organic or it’s original H20.

Good Clean Love Bio-Match Restore Moisturizing Personal Lubricant: Restore is a natural vaginal lubricant which may help with vaginal dryness, itching, and odor and promotes health and maintenance of healthy vaginal flora. Safe for use with latex, silicone, condoms and toys.  The formula contains no parabens, petrochemicals or hormones.

Pjur Med Natural Glide: Specially formulated for dry skin.  This pure vegetable glycerin formula provides additional moisture and long lasting lubrication.  Protects and soothes dry, sensitive skin.  Ideal for daily use, safe to use with latex condoms.

Aloe Cadabra Organic Lubricant: This is an all-natural personal lubricant that is more than 95% organic aloe vera. In addition to being a lubricant, it also acts as a protectant for exposed nerve endings, protects against infection and acts as an anti-inflammatory that soothes the skin. Excellent to help vaginal dryness.

 

Have you got a question for Yasmine?  You can email her at ask@yasminesroom.com

Gee Whiz! Are G Spots a thang?

Dear Yasmine,

Do all women have a G-spot?  Do I? Where do I find it? How do I have a G-spot orgasm?

Gee Whiz in Georgia


Hey Gee,

Don’t we all want to have mind blowing orgasms, all the time? You’ve probably been reading one of your favorite magazines, or a sexy romance story that played up the bone rattling, earth shaking g-spot orgasms! There is a lot of information out there on the G-Spot and the deep, full rich orgasm that it can produce.

Or can it?

The G-spot, or Gräfenberg Spot, is named after the German gynecologist who first “discovered” it. It’s an area of spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra on the vagina wall, curving towards the navel. 

But let’s relax and take a step back. There is no competition on how to have an orgasm, or what kind of orgasm to have.  Being solely focused on having a g-spot orgasm may actually work against you, which is no fun.

First, you need to find out how your own body works, and what works for you sexually.  And you need to be okay with how your body works, because it works differently than my body, then your best girlfriends body, or any other woman. Get what I mean? Being accepting of who you are, loving yourself and not shaming yourself for not being able to orgasm like the heroine in your novel is not going to help you have mind blowing, bone rattling orgasms.

So, first things first, prioritize what works for you.

The g-spot exists, but it may not provide YOU with an orgasm.  It works for some women and not others.

Men know they are aroused by sight.  Women are aroused on many different levels, emotionally, psychologically and physically.  It can take anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes of foreplay to become fully aroused.  Just aiming for the g-spot in hopes of a mindblowing orgasm with-out full arousal is going to lead to disappointment, and a ruined evening.

There are a lot of studies out there about women’s arousal, and we’re learning more all the time about the depth and scope of female arousal.  As the learning continues, we suggest get curious about what makes you tick!  

1.    Feel. Explore your body. Take some quiet time for yourself, get some lube, and investigate.  What feels good, what doesn’t feel good? Your g-spot is located on the front wall of the vagina wall, curving towards your navel. What does it feel like when you’re fully aroused?

2.    Think. What turns you on? What gets you aroused? What does your partner need to do to get you to a place where you can have mind blowing orgasms?

3.    Use a toy. A sex toy can help you explore and find your pleasure spots. It’s always available, and you never need to make plans with it!

4.    Be open. One orgasm is not better than the next. Accept yourself and love yourself will allow you to relax and enjoy pleasure and sensations, which will lead to orgasm.

We can help!  Click here to view our selection of Best Women's Vibrators and Lubricants that can help you explore your body. 

Have you got a question for Yasmine?  You can email her at ask@yasminesroom.com

Sources

Loss of Desire

Dear Yasmine,

I’m worried that I have lost my desire to have sex.  I have been checked out by my doctor, all is well, I’m healthy. My doctor said my loss of sexual desire may be because I’m entering menopause.  I feel depressed, like I’ve lost an important part of myself.  My doctor thinks it too early for hormone therapy.  I’m currently in a relationship that has been through the ringers a few times. Where did I lose my desire and how can I get it back?

Lost in Idaho


Dear Lost,

I can’t determine exactly what’s going on, but here’s a shot at a common cause. Stress is the number one desire killer.  If you’re stressed in your relationship, or at work, or if you’re not feeling excited about where you are in life, and how things are going, well, you’re not going to be in the mood for sex. 

You’ve seen your doctor and you have a clean bill of health.  That’s good.  Considering your health is good, but since we don’t know the other factors that could be causing stress in your life, and therefore a loss in sexual desire, we can offer the following recommendation.

If you’re stressed, then look for ways to de-stress.  Exercise, eat better, get a massage, do something that will make you feel better.  You can download a copy of our Self Care Guide by clicking here.

With your partner, ease back into desire.  Touching is a great stress reliever, and you and your partner can help each other ease through the tension in your relationship. Begin easy and simply by touching your partner more.  Increase the affection that you show your partner.  Don’t initiate sex, that is not the purpose of this exercise.  The purpose is to get back in touch with your partner. If your partner is responsive, take turns touching. Take turns, one can be the receiver and one the toucher. Avoid breasts and genitals, and keep the touch on all and any other body parts. During the day, touch your partner, kiss them. Keep it light and affectionate. 

Let the affection take you back to getting in touch with yourself and your partner.  We have a feeling that you may both rekindle and find your sexual desire again. 

Have you got a question for Yasmine?  You can email her at ask@yasminesroom.com