Why am I not getting wet?

Dear Yasmine, 

I’m middle-age, and have been in a long-term committed relationship.  Recently, when my partner and I are having sex, I’m aroused, but I'm not getting wet, like I used to.  My partner is getting frustrated and doesn’t believe me when I say I’m ready for him. He said I'm not really turned on because I'm dry.  Help!  Is something terribly wrong with me? 

Worried in Williamsburg

Dear Worried,

Good news! Nothing is wrong with you, and let your partner know as well.  Physiological response, and arousal do not always happen at the same time in women.  Men, bless their hearts, are a bit ignorant on this subject when it comes to women.  They enjoy the reaction of an erection as immediate verification of their arousal.

Alas, women are much more complicated.  We become aroused in our heads, and our genital response is not always, and may never have been equal. Our bodies are wired differently than men.  Arousal takes longer in women.  Depending on what is going on in your relationship, your age, hormones, your career, home life and all kinds of life stresses can also hamper arousal.  What you have occurring is called nonconcordance.  And it ain’t no big thing.

Have a talk with your partner about your body.  Let him know that you enjoy foreplay, that arousal takes longer, and your vagina may never achieve the wetness that it used to, or what he believes means you’re aroused and ready for him.  You will let him know through your words like “I’m ready for you,” means much more than the wetness of your vagina.  Some good lube is all you need. Take a glance at our site and choose one or two lubricants that you and your partner can explore with. 

You are well. Enjoy the journey! 


Have you got a question for Yasmine?  You can email her at ask@yasminesroom.com