Loss of Desire

Dear Yasmine,

I’m worried that I have lost my desire to have sex.  I have been checked out by my doctor, all is well, I’m healthy. My doctor said my loss of sexual desire may be because I’m entering menopause.  I feel depressed, like I’ve lost an important part of myself.  My doctor thinks it too early for hormone therapy.  I’m currently in a relationship that has been through the ringers a few times. Where did I lose my desire and how can I get it back?

Lost in Idaho


Dear Lost,

I can’t determine exactly what’s going on, but here’s a shot at a common cause. Stress is the number one desire killer.  If you’re stressed in your relationship, or at work, or if you’re not feeling excited about where you are in life, and how things are going, well, you’re not going to be in the mood for sex. 

You’ve seen your doctor and you have a clean bill of health.  That’s good.  Considering your health is good, but since we don’t know the other factors that could be causing stress in your life, and therefore a loss in sexual desire, we can offer the following recommendation.

If you’re stressed, then look for ways to de-stress.  Exercise, eat better, get a massage, do something that will make you feel better.  You can download a copy of our Self Care Guide by clicking here.

With your partner, ease back into desire.  Touching is a great stress reliever, and you and your partner can help each other ease through the tension in your relationship. Begin easy and simply by touching your partner more.  Increase the affection that you show your partner.  Don’t initiate sex, that is not the purpose of this exercise.  The purpose is to get back in touch with your partner. If your partner is responsive, take turns touching. Take turns, one can be the receiver and one the toucher. Avoid breasts and genitals, and keep the touch on all and any other body parts. During the day, touch your partner, kiss them. Keep it light and affectionate. 

Let the affection take you back to getting in touch with yourself and your partner.  We have a feeling that you may both rekindle and find your sexual desire again. 

Have you got a question for Yasmine?  You can email her at ask@yasminesroom.com