Yasmine's Room, Sex in the City and every romance novel out there has women searching for the ultimate, body shaking, mind numbing, indescribable orgasm. Many women have never had a proper orgasm! Some women are blessed with experiencing multiple orgasms. Our mission is to help everyone achieve an awesome big O. So where to start? What to do? How can we help you get there?
Here are some of the reasons many women have trouble reaching orgasm. Age, sexual dysfunction and depression can all affect the ability to achieve the big O. There is also research expanding on the emotional issues that also stop women from having an orgasm and experiencing what their bodies are capable of including:
· Not feeling sexy
· Never experiencing an orgasm
· Worrying about experiencing an orgasm
· Feelings of inadequacy
· Relationship stresses
· Worrying about getting chores or work done
Along with physical issues due to hormonal changes, aging, vaginal dryness, and vaginal atrophy can make having an orgasm more difficult to attain. Psychological factors like those listed above may actually play a bigger role in stopping most women from having and experiencing an orgasm. With all of these forces fighting you no wonder you have a headache when it comes time for sex!
Many women suffer from one or another of the above mentioned sexual dysfunctions. Most of us won’t talk about this with our best friends, many may find it embarrassing, too personal to discuss. Many women also feel that sexual difficulties will reflect badly upon themselves and their partners. Women hold it all inside, feeling alone, helpless and doomed. (That’s another reason why we started Yasmine’s Room!)
We women are holistic beings when it comes to sex. We must be immersed physically, emotionally AND psychologically. For many women it is not enough that our physical bodies are aroused. Our minds must also be aroused in order to have a fully heightened experience. As Dr. Ruth says, “Sex does not only happen between the waist and knees.”
You may have heard of this before, but maybe not tied with sex, however, studies show that mindfulness can help!
Mindfulness is a mental state, achieved by focusing your awareness on the present moment, calmly acknowledging and accepting your feelings, thoughts, bodily sensations all without judgement.
Mindfulness is a practice. Attaining the without judgement piece will not occur after a few days of practice. However, beginning a mindfulness practice will lead to a deeper, more meaningful relationship with yourself. Mindfulness has been shown to decrease stress, anxiety, depression, and increase relaxation. The more you practice, the more attuned you will become to your body. Be present and mindful during sex, the more you will become attuned to your body’s response, and what serves it and you best.
Many women mistake what they see in movies or TV shows as to be the appropriate response to sex. However, as Dr. Ruth pointed out at a talk we attended, “You have to remember that watching a movie like that is like watching a super hero movie. We know we can’t fly.” Each woman’s body is different and by practicing mindfulness during sex, you can learn to accept your physical limitations, find out what your body needs, what you enjoy and respond to.
A mindfulness practice helps to train you to be in the moment, and to stop worrying about what is waiting for you after the sex is over. Remember, women are holistic beings, we must be involved in sex with mind and body, it doesn’t help when your mind is off worrying about the dishes or getting the taxes done.
Here’s a practice. Give yourself a bit of candy or chocolate that you absolutely love. Now take a small bite, allow yourself to feel the sweetness on your tongue. Take your time, and allow it to melt distinguish the variety of flavors that are released in your mouth. How does your body feel when you are enjoying this bit of heaven? Is this not a metaphor for savoring sexual pleasure? Savor every nibble, bite and taste.
Bring mindfulness into all you do, from work, to driving, to relationships, and to sex. Savor the delicious moments that can make your life wonderful.