Surging Hormones, Sexual Desire & the Middle Aged Woman

Feeling more in the mood than normal? Frustrated by the intense desire to have sex like never before? Worried about this surge in sexual desire?

If this is happening to you or has happened to you, it’s all good news, good news and a little bad news.  If you’re in your mid 30’s to your mid 40’s you may suddenly find a definite increase in your sex drive, your sexual fantasies and your need for sex. On the flipside your hormones and fertility are beginning to decrease.  What does increased sexual drive have to do with a decrease in hormones and fertility? According to a study by the University of Texas, "Women with declining fertility think more about sex, have more frequent and intense sexual fantasies, are more willing to engage in sexual intercourse, and report engaging in sexual intercourse more frequently than women of other age groups," the study authors say.  They believe evolutionary forces are what actually push women to be more sexual and to increase occurrence of procreation.

You’re not alone, and this is (just one!) of my stories.  I was at Trader Joe’s conducting my weekly shopping. I was a good mother, a good wife, making sure the kids got wholesome foods, milk, eggs. Thinking wholesome, organic thoughts about lunches, dinners, and treats for when the kids behaved.  I was struck first by his scent, a mix of cooler antifreeze and Old Spice. “Manly,” I thought.  Suddenly he was next to me, stocking fresh milk, creamers and yogurts into the cooler.  I glanced in his direction and wham I was turned on! His long, sinewy arms were strong, lithe with the hint of a tattoo on his upper left bicep. Each time he lifted and placed a gallon of milk into the cooler, I thought I would swoon and fall right into his arms.  As they used to say in the old movies, I got hit with the “vapors.”  What was it about this particular guy?  I had seen him a dozen times before at Trader Joe’s, he was not my “type” at all. He was tall, thin, tan, had super long hair in a ponytail, but as far as my body was concerned at that moment, he had it totally going on and I was totally turned on!

That's the thing about surging hormones and sexual desire, you never know when it's going to hit you! Another reason for this increased sexual drive, according to the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction is women have become more comfortable with their bodies, have a more intimate knowledge of what brings them pleasure, along with an increased sense of self-confidence.  Women as they grow and age acquire a stronger sense of self, which then drives their sexual desires. This intimate knowledge with body and self enables pleasure and orgasm, either through intercourse or penetration with a partner, clitoral stimulation, foreplay, oral sex or use of a sex toy.

Best place to connect with this increased desire is with yourself.  Accept that this change, like many more to come, is happening.  Women fluctuate in their sexual desire, response and intimacy through all stages of their lives.  This is just one of them.  With your partner, open communication about your increased desire.  As with anything that passes with time like wine, cheese, sex gets better with age.  The Journal of Sexual Medicine reported in their study that women ages 40 and up were more satisfied with their sex lives, and nearly 70 percent were reaching orgasm.

If you find that your increased sex drive has occasionally frustrated you, explore relieving and diffusing this tension. treat yourself to a new sex toy and sensual lubricant.  Treat yourself to a new sex toy, some sensual lubricant and Explore using a toy to help release some of the pent up sexual desire.

If the idea of being in this state is bewildering because it doesn’t fit with your personality, let go of any stereotypes. You’re not a cougar, you’re not a slut. Instead enjoy this time of your life and your desire and sexuality.  As you continue to advance in age, your drive will fluctuate.  Reconciling with your sexual desire and self-awareness of being a whole, real woman will lead to a more fulfilling, happier life, in and out of the bedroom.